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22 Reasons Why Your Dog Is The Worst Roommate EVER.
They constantly pass out in your bed, sometimes in the middle of the day. Get a job!
“Makin’ snoozies, dreamin’ of baconz.”
After taking a shower they make no effort to dry off. They just run around your house dripping water everywhere.
“Why haz you forsaken me?”
They never have enough money to pay rent (because they sleep all day and don’t WORK.)
“Dollar dollar bills y’all.”
In between sleeping and eating, they dedicate their life to giving new meaning to the phrase “couch potato.”
“Sometimes my head gets heavy.”
If you bring them with you to YOUR work, they sulk all day under your desk and stare at your boss like a complete sociopath.
“I’s gonna go fart in his office next.”
You’re beginning to suspect that they’re actually proud of the number of fat rolls on their back.
“I ruv all my curves.”
They happily accept your invitation to go to the local coffee shop, but they never pick up the tab.
“I furdot my fanny pack.”
They regularly borrow your swimsuit without permission. Gross!
“If you gots it, flaunts it.”
…and in the winter they “borrow” your gear.
“Don hate me cuz I’m bootiful.”
They constantly seem to make you buy stuff for them that you neither want nor need.
“I winz all the baconz.”
They’re always borrowing your phone to do who knows what.
“Gon text my bitch, yo.”
They always wanna goof off, especially when you’re super busy.
“Dis my friend Norman. I yike to shake him and chew on his face. LOL.”
They’re downright rude to company – even family.
“Why you make me hang out wif cousin? He try to eat my baconz, I know it.”
They think it’s perfectly legit to wake you up at 2 am for a twenty minute snuggle session. Who does that?
“Scoo me human. I requires your pets and snoogles.”
They always appear in the kitchen whenever you are cooking something for yourself to ask for a bite.
“For me?”
They follow you to the bathroom and do whatever they can to watch you. WHY!?
“Smells like something’s brewin’ in hurr.”
You find yourself wondering how ANYONE can sleep so much.
“Shnnnnughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Shnnnuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Glargbghhghg.”
When they eat the food you bought with YOUR hard earned money, they makes a God-awful mess.
“Hyugghhghghh. Nom nom nom. Glargghhhhghhhh BACONZZZZ.”
They think they have the run of the whole house.
“I is pwetty pwincess boy.”
At best, they only have a tenuous grasp on reality…and yet…
“Why it not taste good?”
You would NEVER make them move out.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Because they’ve already stolen your heart…and your sense of style, apparently.
“I haz my own t-shirt like Kanye West.”
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